Repetition - Until You Become Conscious of It

 

When I was a child, deja vu was a common occurrence for me. I would be in a conversation with someone and the scene would be replaying in my head, word for word and action for action. This went on for a few years, until I was about six or seven. I talked about it happening to me to an adult, was told it was not normal and then it slowly stopped except for rare occasions.

When driving became second nature, there were days that turned into several days, when all I would hit was green lights in intersections. Once I became consciously aware of this happening, it would stop and traffic lights would go back to random.

Playing poker at a casino poker room, there were sessions that became automatic. I knew the outcome before the hand was played out. I knew when to press my 'luck', and when to slow down. Once again, when I became conscious of what was happening it all stopped and went back to random action.

The latest is what goes on at the Casino Craps Table. I have observed rhythms or patterns that were fairly consistent from session to session. These same patterns seemed to repeat over and over and over.

I spent many hours devising a strategy to take advantage of these patterns. I went through all the options, racked my brain for problems and off I went to the proverbial races.

At first it was wizardry. I could not believe I was the first person in the world to notice these patterns and take advantage of them. I would make an out of character larger than normal one roll bet, it would hit, the players around me exhaled, and I would get payed. Then it went away. Now it's some crazy random pattern, when I play, so bizarre, the people who appear to be winning, are pulling $100 bills out of their wallets to keep playing.

Our brain is very good at finding patterns, animals and faces in clouds, people watching us in public, repetitive actions that we no longer pay attention to, like the trip to the grocery store. We can check in and be aware or check out. Either way we end up at our destination.

Which leads me to the main point of this note. For several decades, I have believed that our life is a controlled simulation, and as soon as we get a glimpse of it, the algorithm changes to something that seems to be completely random. I'm left wondering if before I noticed, was it really happening or is it my brain looking for patterns?

The 10% Rule Helps Get You Through the Day

 

When I was probably in my thirties, I realized I discovered something interesting about human behavior. I thought of it as the, 10% Rule. Over the years from my limited perspective it seems to be fairly accurate.

The, 10% Rule, is pretty simple. If you think up any common human behavior, around ten percent of the people around you participate in that behavior.

Racism? Around ten percent of people are racist or have racist tendencies.

Cheating Spouses? Once again, at least ten present of people have or will cheat on their spouse.

Thieves? Sure, around ten percent of the people will steal, most only if they think they will not be caught. Some just steal because it is easier than actually earning a living.

Entitlement? Whether you are walking, waiting inline, or driving, about ten percent of the people around feel they are entitled, and cause friction with their behavior among the people around them.

Anger or anger management issues? Once again, it seems about ten percent of the people around me are angry by default or have anger management issues.

The list goes on and on. No matter what behavior you can think of, at least ten percent of the people around you follow that behavior.

There is also the, 'good' 10%. That ten percent of people who have truly admirable behaviors.

Good Samaritans - The ten percent of people who will jump in and help out without being asked.

Volunteers - The ten percent of people who feel strongly enough about a social issue they put themselves where their mouth is. They not only talk the talk, they walk the walk.

It is hard to focus on the outstanding 10%, when every day is bombarded with the ten percent of behaviors we would rather not be exposed to.

It is even more difficult when the liar you know would change their behavior, works at an animal rescue, does Meals on Wheels, or spends time volunteering at another one of hundreds of notable endeavors.

I wish I could get through my day thinking about the great people around me, but being human, I tend to go with the flow, spending part of my day wondering why people have to behave as they do.

We are nothing if not complex. I do like to think we have evolved to where we are now. Maybe in the past, their was no 10%. There was only what people thought they could get away with.

Prevent Birds from flying into your window

 I saw this on a YouTube video, made by Alex Sally,  Incredibly simple tip to prevent birds flying into window. It only took me eight years to find this video.

I have had birds of all sizes crash into one particular upper window of our home. 

After watching the video, I went out and found a white marking paint/pen for less than $3.00,

I drew about a four inch tic tac toe board on the window, and the bird hits have stopped! Such a cheap and easy fix!

A Mother's prayer

 

One would think that a note from your Mother, especially if you are an adult or close to it is something you would want to keep and treasure. Looking at used books in a second hand store I came across the note above written on the inside of a blank page.

I find it hard to guess, whether the receiver of the book was a know it all teen, who no longer has any use for anything from her overly controlling mother, or was it a forgotten memory from a caring Mother to her loving daughter....

There are worse finds in second had stores however, like finding and interesting wooden box, and realizing it holds ashes. Not one of my favorite finds. Generally, I buy the box of ashes, take them to somewhere peaceful and bury them, with a prayer or two.

Such is life, some relationships are treasured, others are scorned until some future aha moment, when the person wishes whey could take back all that time and do it over.

The Devil Among Us Final

End of March 2026

The chorus in this song below popped into my head the other night. Not all of it, just [Chorus 1], below in bold… The strange thing is, the name was missing. It seemed I needed to insert  a replacement name: Keri. Tell Keri….(5)

April 2026

Keri seems to have gone away for the most part. This is really starting to feel intrusive and this is bothering me. Nothing about this should feel intrusive.

I did some deep thinking - meditation, if you will with the question, “What is going on, this does not feel right.”

After only a few moments into deep relaxation, the answer to my question arrived. “This is not Keri”.

Whoa, let me think about this….

 This ‘Keri’ presence is something else. It has an unknown to me ulterior motive. “How obvious”, I thought, now everything makes sense. Something is impersonating Keri!  Time for “it” (6) to move on.

The fix for this is simple in these situations: Whatever “it” is, it must be refused, ignored, and sent away. All one has to do is say, “NO”, and mean it. “Just say No”, which I have now done. This will be my final answer for the present and the future, No. I refuse to interact with “it” any more. 

Whatever “it” is and whatever its objective or end point is, I can only guess at. However, I refuse to be part of it. So much so, I also asked that an Angel be sent to chase it away. There may be crying and gnashing of proverbial teeth on, “Its” part, but that is not my problem. I’m grateful I was made aware of the situation and have stopped it from continuing.

In a few days, it seems to have given up, and moved on. I must admit, it was a well thought, believable illusion. It was just too intense and intrusive to be unquestionably believable.

I retrospect, starting with the appearance in march of this year, I should not have been so accepting. I should have been as cynical as I usually am about these things. Cynicism saves time and frustration. If I would have asked some pointed questions a month ago, none of this would have occurred. 

Footnotes:

1. There are many ways we pass on when we leave our body behind.

Some people simply refuse to pass on, and they are what we think of as ghosts or poltergeists

The Rainbow Bridge is a real place, which is literally a Rainbow people walk up, and back down the far side. This is a one way trip. When people reach the bottom, they arrive at the Plain of Forgetfulness. Some join friends or family here for an extended stay in surroundings they are familiar with. Most people do do not stay here. 

A side note to the Rainbow Bridge, Death has a small cabin just on the other side of the crest. Death looks like an older country women in her fifties. She wears brown clothes, and glasses. It is thought, there are four or five beings like death, that actually exist, and are female. Of course anyone in this realm of life, will never be aware of their presence. 

Wandering around the Plain of Forgetfulness, is the River of Forgetfulness. When people drink from the river, and they drink and adequate amount, they forget their past life. Now they can walk back to the Rainbow Bridge, walk up and over, and they will be taken and reborn, to lead another life.

There is also the river, mostly called the River Styx, which is a very old name. This river also is out on a flat plain. People walk to into the river, crossing to the other side, where family is there to greet them. What happens after that was not explained to me.

For Christians, we have choices…

Go to the light. Go to the tunnel and enter it. Go to the Pearly gates and ask St. Peter if you can enter heaven. 

There are probably more ways to pass on and thru that I am not aware of….

2. Limbo has several names. It is a place a spirit goes alone to ponder their past life. People in Limbo are in self isolation. They stay here until they come to terms with their past life, and they leave, hopefully to one of the places above.

3. Some people have had hundreds of lives, and do not need help when they pass over. They know where they need to go, and what they need to do.

4. We all have our personal group on the other side. We have (usually) been together since we were first created. To my knowledge, the group size is four to six, but I have limited information on this.

5. 1960 death song. Ray Peterson - Tell Laura I Love Her (RCA 1960)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTjQgkHzbTk&list=RDpTjQgkHzbTk&start_radio=1

Tell Laura I Love Her

[Verse 1]

Laura and Tommy were lovers

He wanted to give her everything

Flowers, presents

And most of all a wedding ring

[Verse 2]

He saw a sign for a stock car race

A thousand dollar prize it read

He couldn't get Laura on the phone

So to her mother Tommy said

[Chorus 1]

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura I may be late

I've something to do that cannot wait

[Verse 3]

He drove his car to the racing ground

He was the youngest driver there

The crowd roared as they started the race

Round the track they drove at a deadly pace

[Verse 4]

No-one knows what happened that day

Or how his car over-turned in flames

But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck

With his dying breath they heard him say

[Chorus 2]

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura not to cry

My love for her will never die

[Verse 5]

Now in the chapel where Laura prays

For her Tommy who passed away

It was just for Laura he lived and died

Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry

[Chorus 2]

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura not to cry

My love for her will never die

[Tag]

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I love her…

6. As much as horror movies want us to believe, most entities such as this one are not some demon from hell running rampant, or some other type of monster. The movies and literature would like us to believe so, but it is not true. For example, knocking in the house could be cause by an entity who finds a specific location meets its needs, and it has no idea it is scaring the hell out of someone. Generally, when made aware of the fear they cause, they move on to another location.

Generally they are harmless if one can only say, No, and mean it. Some people believe there we are the third incarnation of life on earth, and the two previous races still exist, but without form or substance. Occasionally they want to be flesh and blood again, and this is one way they go about it. Just say, No, and mean it usually ends the relationship in short order.

The Devil Among us Part 3

 

March 2026

Keri is here again. In the moment, I do not know why. I am leaning towards this is my imagination, as there is no other logical reason. My Doctor tells me my health is good. Perhaps my brain isn’t?

Keri was in my dream last night. She tells me she wants to be with me. She wants to stay with me until I pass.

I am dumbfounded, I have heard of this before, but it is always single people who live alone who have ghosts move in with them, usually a spouse that has passed on.

A few days later – Keri is in my waking life now, hovering by me like a small, soft cloud. I have had some time to think about this situation, and it seems we can communicate. I can ask questions, and she responds with thoughts that form ideas or words.

I explain to Keri, I am happily married, and I do not know how to manage her as part of my life. I ask her why she wants to be with me, instead of moving on to where we all go when we pass (1), and start working on our life mistakes, and decide how we will do things better in our next life. I tell Keri, I will certainly be with her when I pass, as she told me - so what is the rush, and the need to be with me now?

A few more days later – It has been a mostly sleepless few days. I am very tired. My sleep is interrupted by conversation. On the bright side, I now understand….

Keri tells me her life was anything but great. after the first few years her marriage was loveless. Divorce for Keri was not an option for many reasons. This created a family schism, and drove her away from her family, and eventually from her children. She could not fake it, her life had been lonely and silent.

Keri wanted to be with me in the present, so she could have a semblance of a happy life, such as circumstances permitted. I told Keri, the man she knew over fifty years ago is long gone. In his place is a tired, old man. A tired old man who is also happily married, and deeply committed.

Keri also told me, she did not pass over, but placed herself in what we call, “Limbo” (2). Her religion and current beliefs do not allow for reincarnation, and she does not want to pass on feeling like her life was wasted.

I explained to Keri, that before we enter into this life, we have a pre-planned life script we create containing objectives and learning’s we want to accomplish. Often, the people on the other side whom we are close to agree to play a part in our life plan. Sometimes one of them is someone who helps us along and keeps us balanced. Sometimes one of our friends takes an adversarial role to help us grow. Whichever the case, our life plan is constructed for learning and growing. These are the objectives we plan our life around, learning and growing. Just because she feels her life is a wreck, does not mean, it wasn’t a life experience she needed to have for reasons not yet clear.

I explained to Keri, that when we die, and pass over, people who love us are there to greet us, and take us where we need to go. For a time, we we spend what I think of as quiet time away from everyone, to heal from the trauma and abuses our past life threw at us (not limbo). If we are experienced enough (3), we do this alone. Other times someone is there to guide us and protect us while we recover from our past life traumas.

After we are healed, we meet up with friends and family from past lives who we are close to. We join our own personal group (4) and begin to examine our past life in detail. We can do this now without emotion, because we are healthy again, and we can review our life without emotion getting in the way. We determine how well we matched up to our planned life, and if there was deviation in our life, why and how did it happen.

I explained to Keri, that before we enter into this life, we created our life script. This includes who our parents are, their personalities, economic level, etc. Also who our friends (and occasionally enemies, if we need them to learn a life lesson) will be.

Whether we live in the big city, or a poor village without electricity or running water. We find people who love us, to play these different roles for us. All to enhance our life learning. We develop the objectives and learning’s we want to have in our life. Just because Keri feels her life was a wreck, does not mean, it wasn’t a life she wanted and needed to have.

Keri tells me she will not interfere with my life or my marriage, she just wants to be around me. I tell Keri, I understand. And she needs to trust me, that her life was a sliver of all the lives she has lived and will live in our path of growing and learning.

For now, Keri is around me, but she does take time away from me, I am not sure why.

As of this moment, everything is as normal as normal can get under the circumstances. I find this very tiring, draining actually, and this bothers me. It does not feel right. One one hand I have this life, in this reality. At the same time, I am aware of Keri’s presence. Her presence feels like a small glowing ball of energy at the level of my head on my right side..

Keri is not interfering in my life per say, but this is hard to manage all the same. I do not like the feeling, and I do not care for the arrangement too much. I am hesitant to talk with her about it.

The Devil Among us Part 2

 March 2023

A few months ago, I realized Keri was on my mind - a lot. Almost like a cloud of Keri vapor, surrounding me. No matter what I was doing, thoughts of Keri would seep into my mind. Why the sudden feeling she was around me?

It wasn’t any more of that, and I wrote it off to life reflection, that older people tend to do. We wonder about those things that could have been.

 March 13, 2023

One night in a dream, Keri was present and talking to me. Keri told me she had passed on. Keri said she had a good life and family, with two kids. Then came the bomb shell.

Keri told me she would be here when it was my time to pass. She said she was waiting, and would be there to meet me. Then the dream was over. I woke up, and eventually went back to sleep. When I woke, this dream was the only thing on my mind. Keri would be here to meet me when I passed.

My thoughts about this were - all over the place. Was I going to die soon and I did not know it? Why would I have a dream like this? It was not an empty dream, it was a real meet up. It was a coherent cohesive dream, not one of those nonsense dreams. It was real. There must more to it.

I searched the net and found Keri’s obituary in a local paper in the town she was born and died in. The obit was mostly flat and lifeless, as if someone went through the motions of writing it with minimum effort (or emotion) involved. But her age fit, as did her first name, and the number of her children. Given the circumstances, it had to be her obit.

A few days later, the feeling of Keri being around me was back. Because I am a horrible cynic about anything paranormal, I made a plan. I told the Keri (presence), if this was not a dream, or a delusion on my part, and she was who she said she was, and she would be there to meet me when I passed, I wanted some type of proof it was really her. I wanted an irrefutable sign that this was not my imagination.

A couple days went by, and there was no sign it was anything but a dream, or suppressed feelings on my part. I was starting to think it was all my imagination. Three days later, I was reading local news on my computer. There was a story about the town of Keri, in Keri County, NM. It seems a small brush fire was started right outside of town, about ten to fifteen acres were burned before it went out. The article did not mention how it started, or how it went out. There was no mention of anyone on scene putting out the fire. Nor was there a cause listed.

There I was sitting wondering if this was the proof I asked for, or some wild - million to one coincidence? What are the odds of my dreams, a Town and County named, Keri making the news for such a small event, and that I would be reading about it?

It was too many coincidences for me to believe it was anything but the proof I asked for. Rather original, but difficult to refute. There were no other fires of note that month, and it was early for the summer fire season.

Older people I have spoken with, say they have had dead loved ones hanging around them at night. Some dream their dead relatives are coming to get them, I did not feel this was some ominous warning, but it didn’t seem normal either. I have enough going on in my life, and did not need to create a ghost for company.

Perhaps it is what it is, and this women who I knew for such a short time for whatever reason wants me to know that when it is my time, I won't be alone. Keri will be there to meet me. I can take peace in that thought.

Or perhaps it is entirely a coincidence? In the moment, I am really undecided, and I am guessing I won't know, until I know. In the mean time I feel comforted by the thought. You will have to decide on the ending as I won't be able to relay the ending for you...

The Devil's Among Us Part 1

 This is part one of I believe what will be four parts....

This story that had its beginnings over fifty years ago. The ending is unknown. Where does real end and the other side start?

Fall/Winter 1970x - I was about 20 something years old and wild, living in the mountains in the western United States. My summertime life consisted of fishing and weekend parties, usually with over fifty hours of work per week thrown in to provide work/life balance. In winter my life was not much different, simply replace skiing with fishing. I usually had one day off a week - Sunday. I worked the afternoon shift and sometimes Sunday mornings when I was called in to fill in.

It was a warm, dark, after work, fall evening, and my friends and I decided to go to sit in a hot springs south of town, soak in the hot water and drink beer – mainly drink beer. Somewhere along the line, between getting off of work and the hot springs, a couple of young Women decided they wanted to join us. I did not know either of them, and I wasn’t the one who invited them.

Sitting in the In the hot springs, drinking my share of beer, one of the women took a liking to me, though I have no clue why. I was not looking for a girlfriend, and made no sign I was. She had different ideas about my situation.

Her name was Keri. Keri had recently moved to town. She was pretty, pleasant, easy going; a very likable (I thought) young woman. She also wasn’t shy….

I came to find out over the next weeks, Keri’s life was a lot quieter than mine. I was curious how she fell into our group that night, and why she picked me. I never learned the answer to either question. I also learned that late night partying was not her normal life style.

I found I really enjoyed Keri’s company. On the down side we hardly saw each other. There were our night and day lifestyle differences, though I thought we would be a really good fit, almost perfect – if I was looking for a serious relationship, instead of looking for parties, which I was not.

We got along wonderfully when we were together, which was unfortunately rare. Keri worked days, I worked afternoons. We had different days off. Keri, I thought wanted a more normal (sober boyfriend), sane life. Keri did not drink, which limited any additional extra time we may have had together partying. Keri was Mormon, I was an angry wild child in an adult body.

We saw each other on and off for about six months on those rare days we both had time off on the same day. Come spring, Keri decided it was time to go back home. All work, and no real fun was no life for her. And I was the (almost) never present boyfriend in her life. She missed her friends and her social life. We spent her last day in town together. It was one of the best days of my life, though I did not appreciate it how good it was in the moment. I now occasionally wish the day could have gone on for a week or more. If only we could step back the calendar and start over. But, it wasn't meant to be.

I thought of Keri now and then over the years. Wondering how she was doing, and how her life was going compared to what it would have been with me. I imagined her happily married with kids running around. I know she would be a good Friend, Wife, and Mother. She had that kind of personality. Whenever I thought of her, I wished her the best wherever she was, and whatever she was doing.

Just One More

 

Pic: Doss on top of the Maeda Escarpment, May 4, 1945

I have spent a portion of my adult life, volunteering and generally trying to improve the lives of those less fortunate than myself. Some of my time has been very rewarding, and a little of it a waste of my life.

I had a slight downside though. One June 29 202X, on a Thursday, I woke up feeling like someone pounded my hips and shoulders with a sledge hammer. The pain became so bad, I resorted to CBD Cream, which was a literal lifesaver. I never wish that much pain on anyone. It took almost five months before I felt relatively pain free. Turns out it was a reaction to a common medication.

During those days of pain, and today, as I reflect on my day and pray before sleep, I stole a a line from Desmond Doss: "Just one more." Desmond Doss was awarded the Medal Of Honor for Bravery. He did not carry a weapon, Desmond Doss was a medic in World War II. You can read about Desmond Doss here, or if you can find it, watch the movie, Hacksaw Ridge.

Not that I will ever be on the the same level as Desmond Doss, though many nights I go to sleep thinking there must be something good I can do for another person. I find many things are easy to do. Smile and say hello, Hold the door open for someone, pick up some trash on the ground and put it in a waste can, by toys from the second hand store and leave it on a kid's doorstep whose family's money has bigger priorities. 

I leave bags of food and such in front of the local church where people more needy than myself walk by. I put a not inside, urging them to spend a few minutes with a quiet mind and listen for the voice of God to speak to them. It takes some time to do this, because it takes time to learn how to quiet our mind. What you hear (for me at least) is the impression of a word or two, not a sentence. I hope they do better.

I hope all these little things add up, and I manage to make someone's day better. Telling a young Mom, she is Mother of the month because she takes time for her child no matter where she is at. Thank a Vet for his service, acknowledging the importance of his/her contribution.  The idea of making someones day a little better, because someone helped them, acknowledged them, or fed them for a few days may encourage them to pass it on, and think, "Just one more"...

Safe Pain Relief Post Statin's

 I am not a Doctor, and this is not medical advice. It is a story about myself and severe head to toe pain. It ends with how I found resolution. Perhaps if you are one of the many older adults experiencing muscle and joint pain you write off to being, "old", this may lead you to search for new ideas and less pain.

For me, it started more than a decade ago with a family of medicines generally known as Statins. There were four different Statins that I was aware of. This may have changed by now. The first Statin I was prescribed made me almost immediately sick with an upset stomach and cramping.

I was given a second Statin. This second Statin lasted two days before the same ending took place. Ditto for the third. The final Statin had a lifespan in my body of over a decade. The supplement COQ10 was also suggested for muscle and joint pain relief from Statins, which at the time I did not seem have, but I took it as a precaution. 

Everything was good until it was not. My newest Doctor did not like the COQ10 formula and another supplement I was taking recommended years earlier by a former doctor, and I was sent to a supplement specialist Doctor.

This Doctor pointed out two of the supplements I was taking were unhealthy for me and other many people in general. They specifically said the COQ10 I was taking had Vitamin e as its carrier oil. COQ10 is absorbed better with fat at the time of taking. Vitamin e, is now thought not to be so healthy for people with a good diet.

I found the brand of COQ10 they suggested. It had no oil, and the recommended dose was 100 milligrams a day. After the first bottle ran out, I quit as it seemed to be doing nothing. Life went on as normal for a year or so until I woke in severe, (months long) muscle and joint pain.

It took two months of Doctors research and opinion, for a determination to be made: I am allergic to Statins and can no longer take them. Within a few weeks, I had less pain. That was not little enough pain to be excited about, but I thought I could live with it. As time went by, the pain continued, and my hands started hurting, both joint and muscle.

It was getting difficult to make a fist, as I noticed my hands swelling for no reason. Every day all major muscles in my body felt as if I had done a serious whole body work out the day before. Everything hurt, and no matter the day, the feeling was the same.

I needed and wanted pain relief. I thought about my time with Statins long and hard and my prior Doctor who had suggested I take COQ10 which didn't seem to do much of anything. I decided to start reading again about COQ10 as years had now passed and knowledge grows. 

I now read COQ10 is an antioxidant. It is made by almost every cell in our body. However some people )as we age) need more than our bodies produce. A safe dose is thought to be up to 1200 mg daily per my reading (not fact). That was a lot higher than the 100 mg a day I was taking.

I went out and found a bottle of COQ10 that had no vitamin e (also called wheat oil). The first day I took 800 mgs. The next day I woke up and some muscles did not hurt as bad. Rinse and repeat. The pain was going away, and my muscles now feel like they are waking from a long sleep. In the moment 800 mgs of COQ10 is working for me.

Whether my pain is from so many years of Statins wreaking havoc on my body, or another unknown cause (age?), COQ10 seems to be the magic bullet for pain reduction and relief. All my pain has diminished to very minor with more improvement every day.

I don't know where the line is drawn for pain reduction, but such a common supplement is doing wonders for me.

The Hippie Movement Meant to Make the World a Better Place

As I grow older, it I notice subtle signs we have made some progress towards making society better for all people. It's also apparent that making the society we want to have is not going to happen.

The Hippie movement of the Sixties was the last major movement to remake society into something better. The Hippie movement had a lifespan of about ten years more or less before it collapsed onto itself with the help of both internal and external forces.

As with other attempts at improving the world, the Communes of the Hippies became uncontrollable when the commune population went past a hundred or so people.

Until recently I would wonder why people in my neighborhood/city/state/country are not respectful of others once they leave their immediate neighborhoods. 

Now I know it is Human nature. I used to be angry about, but now I reflect on religion. God before Jesus could not make people good citizens. Jesus has had a better impact, but progress is at a trickle, and subject to backsliding on a whim.

I believe the best we can hope for is for each of us to do our best, be our best, and hopefully leave the world better than we found it. 

Little Things We Take For Granted - Like Grief and Selfishness

 

I turn my phone's ringer off at night. I figure if anyone calls me early, it's not going to be good news, and there is little I can do about any bad news except listen.

Today was one of those bad news days. There was a missed call from a neighbor. I called back and there was no answer. They called back an hour or so later, and told me another neighbor, who is my closest neighbor as a friend was taken away by ambulance this morning. It was their understanding from what they heard and thought they saw, that my friend/neighbor passed.

Can you say, sledge hammer? That's how it felt. I knew this neighbors health was not the greatest, they were having some serious issues, but I spoke with them two nights earlier and they looked healthier than they had in a long while.

My first thought was what do I do? What in 2026 do we do when we get news like this? I went outside, and the neighbor in question's house had the front room curtains closed, no lights on, and their car in the driveway.

As I went over possibilities. This is what I decided. My neighbor really did pass because the house is closed up, and no one is home. The widowed spouse has family in town, so the spouse is with family somewhere in town, in mourning. I have no idea what to do....

By late afternoon, I decided sending a text message to my friend was the best I could do an unobtrusive way to get involved. 

I worded it as carefully as I could in the moment. ...I heard there was an ambulance at your house this morning. That is not good news. If you need anything, a ride, help with your flowers, your pets, or a ride, please let me know....I did not expect a quick answer.

Within a few minutes, I received a text reply from my friend/neighbor telling me they were okay. They had a problem recurrence and decided the best thing to do was an ambulance ride to the hospital. They were released in the afternoon, and are at home on bed rest.

How do you spell relief? I spell it with that reply text!

At my age, and a male, real friends are few and far between. I always felt honored by having this person so close to me in the neighborhood. We trade comments on cats and other animals, and talk about those things only old people find interesting.

Before the reply text, I was worried about the spouse, the probable future sale of their house, and how to pay proper respect to my friend and his spouse in the passing.

I also selfishly felt sad for myself. One less friend to share minor parts of my life with. It was feeling like a gap that was only going to get wider had happened. Another one bites the dust...

Going forward, I know now, our time is limited. But even though the conversations won't change, I believe we both will have them with a little more after thought reverence, if you know what I mean. We have both lived long enough that tomorrow is no guarantee.

It is so odd, years ago, there was no doubt how things were done in this and other serious situations. Today, it is not as clear what to do and how to do it.

Boomer Really Looks at Gen Z, and Likes What He Sees

Inter-generational friction for me started with the Millennial's.  Lately it was focused on Gen Z. I am a Boomer. We Boomers dropped in and did not tune out. We Boomers were the generation that shut down 'the' [Vietnam] War. We figured out the Communist Domino Theory was a lie, much to the fear and consternation of our elders.

We Boomers fixed Racial Inequality. We demonstrated so Women and Minorities had Equal Rights. We had the first oil crisis, Bay of Pigs, and Nukes. We had, "the pill" and we knew how to use it. We burned the Bra.

We didn't sit down, and we didn't shut up. We questioned authority. We broke many of the 'older' generation's taboos. We had the first female Rock Star, first female serial Bank Robber. We invented and ingested LSD, imported Cocaine and used a lot of it. We had a lot of firsts. Some good, many not so much.

We were taught that once you hit the age of eighteen, you found a job, and started planning on how soon you could move out of the house. Preferably within a few months. We were: a free love dove generation, ingesting mass quantities of liquor and drugs - as we learned to from our parents. We were loyal, working dead end jobs for crap pay. That's what we were taught to do. Unlearning was mostly unheard of.

We married and had kids, God help them. In my forties, I started to expand my world view, which was slipping in through the cracks and slats of my awareness. I saw subtle and not so subtle hints that we, the Boomers, did not really do all that much to change the world for the better. We could and should have done a lot more.

Now, past sixty, it is obvious that as a generation, we were very naive as to what we could and could not accomplish. We put out some small fires and solved a few issues (got rid of the [military] draft, for one) but the paranoid out of touch, scared, decrepit political engine kept stirring the pot ensuring old fires started up again and other fires grew larger.

All in all I am disappointed with what we did accomplish verses what I thought we accomplished. I had blinders on, it was difficult to see our countries general reality. That is not to say, we were worthless. We did make many changes, and I am proud of those changes. But my world was not really all that rosy as you will read later.

Our Kids, what the heck? Only interested in money, little public opinion, distant, indifferent to government. Distant to the extent that their kids (Gen Z) were mostly self raised. Keep Tommy and Kathy busy. Throw more money at them. Don't bother spending actual time with them. Let them learn independence by growing up mostly alone and distant. Throw more electronics at them so parents could be even more distant and aloof.

Which brings me to Gen Z. What a wreck Gen Z is, lazy, unmotivated, happy living in the basement, socially crippled. Or so it seems, reading the stories published from far right side of Boomer Mountain. Old scared, paranoid people who make it sound like the world is going to hell in a hand basket (the one they created and nurture of course).

I let go of public Gen Z commentary, and my myopic sliver of it. Just like us Boomers, I find most of Gen Z has ambition. Lots of ambition. They want to and do work. Most of them are working as hard as we Boomers did. 

Gen Z is not blind and overly loyal to foolish, outdated, common ideals. Comments that are repeated like gospel are, Gen Z is lazy and living in their parents basement. Some of us Boomers walked out on their pregnant girlfriends and after the babies were born, other Boomers moved in with them and leached off of them, living on the States dime (welfare), slinking away and hiding during home inspections. No beer for you!

We Boomers wasted our money on frivolous things. Boomers spent money on sex, drugs and rock and roll and muscle cars. Some Boomer's of course were taught to be greedy and/or racist. Many Boomers were blue collar, economically ignorant, and indifferent to their plight. That's how it always is...

Now with opened eyes, having moved down the hill from Boomer Mountain, I have made comparisons of our respective generations. One thing is clear, Gen Z is not willing to work itself to death for starvation wages. A job is only a job, and life balance is more important. Gen Z also learns from the Internet, as needed.

Gen Z is willing to put off some personal gratification/satisfaction until a later date, and most importantly, it appears Gen Z is not generally in favor of drinking and drugs. Finally, unlike the parents of us Boomers and our kids, children are precious and not something you have just because you got married at a stupid young age, made nuclear family, and spent the next decades regretting it.

I can hardly wait until Gen Z starts flexing its political muscle. I am curious what changes they will set in place once the old paranoid, scared people making today's polarizing policies are out of the picture.

Why We Diet, Exercise, Learn, and Try

 

I was thinking this morning about all that 'formal' exercise I have done all my life, and why I did all that exercise. That led me to think about the lifestyle changes I made in my twenties and thirties, as I realized as I went along each day, what I was doing was not that healthy. 

- - It is hard to break away from the pack. Everyone wants you to be like they are. People are resistant to change. Especially when they watch someone else change and they do not want to.

I thought about who I did all that exercise for. It was not for me in the moment, as I was doing the exercise without any real kind of work. I mean I strained and sweated, and occasionally had some sore muscles, but it was not the back breaking work that some people were doing just to survive another day.

I am free rolling now. Why have I been so curious all my life? Why did I take college courses? Why am I fascinated by body, health and lifestyle discoveries that show up in books, magazines and web pages? Why do I read really boring articles in some really boring magazines?

What is the purpose of all this? Why do I do it? No one I know wants to hear about it. There was nothing to be gained from climbing out of bed in my thirties and doing my little exercise routine and then going jogging. I did those things every other day, and I did not improve my exercise and running skills. But I never really thought about why I did those things.

Until this morning that is. It is a few minutes after seven and the sun is shining. I fell asleep sometime after two last night, and I woke up a little after five. I'll probably take a nap again today. Such is the life of old.

But I also did some other things. In these early hours, I have done some interesting reading, worked on some puzzles, and had something to eat. Later on I will do my little 2023 exercise routine, which is vastly different from my 1980, 1990, 2000, and my 2010 exercise routines.

I am a firm believer in the phrase, "Use it or lose it". It was not until this morning however that complete understanding of this little phrase made it into my conscious mind.

Everything diet, exercise and health related I have done in my life was not for me in the moment. Not even for me in the next week or the next month. All the goofy things I tried to improve myself with, all the diet information I read, tried and sometimes failed at, all the other things were not for me in the moment. 

I realize this morning, I did all those thing for me right now in 2023. More importantly they were for my future me. I grew up watching family members and other adults drink and smoke themselves into an early grave. I watched as people decide they are 'old' because they are 40, 50, 60, or seventy. I made decision after decision I was not going to be one of those people. 

I spent the early years of my life doing these things because I wanted a full, happy, and productive life. Today I know it was not for me then, but for a future me. I am not through yet, there is a lot more future me to come.

There is more future me out there waiting to be realized. And because I am old, I see the sad results others have made of not taking care of themselves for their future selves. We all have some limitations in our life, health and otherwise. Until we die, we have a future.

It is our obligation to minimize our limitations and maximize ourselves, because we must be ready to become our future selves. I notice in the moment, thinking about what version I want for my future self, is exhilarating. I am motivated to do those things I can do today for the benefit of my future self tomorrow. How about you?

Someone's In My Head, and it's Not Me

 

Sometimes, a thought appears in my head that I did not conceive. I like to think it comes from an Angelic source sent on a mission, but like everything else, beauty, or in this case the source of these thoughts, is in the eye of the beholder. The thoughts that appear in my mind are always of a positive nature, always directed toward strangers,  and not meant for me other than acting them out. At times there is a voice with the thought, always a male voice. Once in a great while, there is a two way conversation about the, ‘thought’.

An example of a two way conversation happened a few weeks ago. I was wondering why, when I play poker I am not luckier when it comes to being dealt more playable hands? I know I am a solid player, and for the most part I play well. My thinking in my head is, ‘why do I spend an hour at a time completely card dead, get dealt one winning hand and go back to being completely card dead’?

Suddenly, my thinking is interrupted by the ‘Voice’ in my head. The Voice asks me, “Why should you be dealt more playable hands?” It was spoken in a non-committal, level voice. A very good question I thought, why should I be dealt more….

After thinking about it, I reply, to start with I believe I am a good person. I rarely intentionally do anything that would hurt another person, either emotionally or physically. I like to think I am a generous person. I do those things a generous person would do. A portion of my winnings always go improving someones lot in life, though temporarily. There was a response in the form of a small chuckle, but no other reply.

Today, there are five of us out for lunch. One of the the five is a notoriously cheap person, (NCP). They take out their calculator to determine the precise tip, and adjust from their answer using their perception of the quality of the meal and service they received, generally down. The other three are fairly normal people and I am the fifth person. I am paying for three of us.

As we sit waiting for our food, a table next to us is cleared, and three “First Responders” are seated at the table. I am in conversation with our group paying no further attention to them. Then, almost like squeezing toothpaste out of the tube, a thought forms in my mind, “You should buy their lunch.”  Out of nowhere I can see these words in my mind as if they are written in black ink on white paper, ‘...You should buy their lunch...’.

Because I trust this whatever it is that plants these ideas in my mind and the occasional voice that goes with it, I tell the Waiter, I wish to pay for the Three Responders lunch, but please do not tell them I bought their lunch. He brings me their check and says our secret is safe. After a few minutes I go to the cashier, pay their bill, and return to the table.

We are eating our meal, and suddenly one of the First Responders is standing by me with his hand out. He says, “Thank you very much for buying our lunch, we really appreciate it”. Of course I am caught completely by surprise, and mumble something to the effect that, ‘I really appreciate what you do, and how important it is’. All true, but poorly stated. He leaves and the other two First Responders walk buy mouthing their appreciation for what I did for them too. So much for Secret Santa buying someones lunch.

As we get up to leave, one of my group who saw the interaction asks me what that was all about, and why was he shaking my hand? I explained what I did as we walked to the cashier. The bill was all one check, as the Waiter said the Cashier would split it up for us. My brain was suddenly fogged up, and it was very difficult to come up with my share of the bill, starting with the entrees.  I mumbled to the Cashier what items I was paying for (meals for three of us), but forgot to add my coffee, and an Iced Tea. I pay, get my change and step back.

Behind me, NCP tells the Cashier what they were paying for. The Cashier asks, “And the coffee?”. NCP looks at me, and states, “I am not paying for your coffee.” I  pull out four dollars for the coffee, and give it to NCP. They pay their bill, plus my coffee, and pocket the (my) change.

The third person shows up to pay their portion and was asked, “And the Iced Tea?” Oh oh. Man, my brain is asleep, what is going on! Forgetting my coffee and the iced tea, when the rest had water and I am looking right at the bill? However, they generously insisted on paying for the Iced Tea I was supposed to pay for. I am feeling pretty sheepish in the moment. And generally stupid. What is going on with my brain?

Now, the interesting part of this story is happens. NCP, who refused to pay for my coffee is told by the Person who paid for the iced tea what I had done, buying lunch for the three First Responders, and saying, “Why don’t I ever think of doing that?”

It did not dawn on me until an hour or so later, the whole scenario was manifested and directed by the voice in my head as a lesson for the NCP, who was told right after refusing to pay for my coffee, that I had paid for the three First Responders meals. I am now curious if they get the not so subtle hint to be a little more generous?

I find this whole situation fascinating. I like to think the voice in my head is an Angel or something like it. It is always a too random an occurrence, and something I am not thinking about, when it happens. It is usually something I never or rarely do, so I know it is not invented and directed by me. In this story as usual, I play a major character in a short skit, not of my creation.

I do hope this happens to other people, and they follow through on these thoughts too. It would be sad to think I am the only person aware of this happening, and going along with what is suggested. It seems to make the world a much better place.

FWIW, nothing has changed with my poker playing cycle of cards.

Do Fear Based Drug Billboards Accomplish Anything Positive?

If you are not addicted to chemicals, do you really want to see billboards like this?

Unless you work for the, "Drug Enforcement Agency", and want to drum up business to keep your paycheck coming, what is their purpose?

These billboards are mostly pointless. These billboards are not educational, they serve no uplifting purpose. Do you really wish to see these billboards or can you get through your day live without seeing them?

Let's put our Tax Dollars to better use. Let you Legislatures know how you feel.

Tuna Salad Sandwich Hack

This is a simple little hack to help you make your next batch of Tuna Salad fast and easy.

If you are like me, when making Tuna Salad, you open a can of Tuna and dump it into a bowl. Then you take a fork, spoon, whatever your favorite utensil is and mash it up. Then add your favorite ingredients.

An easier way, to prepare the Tuna Fish is this:

1. Open and drain your favorite can of Tuna Fish.

2. Using a butter knife cut the Tuna Fish in the can as if you were slicing a small cake into many square pieces.

2. Use the the knife to scoop out the Tuna into a bowl. Almost all the Tuna has been cut and crumbled into small pieces, saving you time and frustration.

3. Add your favorite ingredients for the fastest and easiest Tuna Salad you have made all week. Enjoy!

Underfunded and Outgunned by the Bealer Boys

 It's hard playing poker against the Bealer Boys. I played against them for a second time this weekend. The game is $1 - $3 No Limit. The Small Blind is $1 and the Large Blind is $3. Buy-in is $100 - $300 or half the largest stack on the table. Easy Game.

Except when you sit down with the Bealer boys. The Brush calls you to a table and you realize if you took out all the hundred dollar bills in your wallet and both pockets, you still would not have enough to buy in at half the largest stack on the table for this game.

Tonight is a prime example. I sit down with John Bealer on my right. Now, I am not sure how long John Bealer was been playing today, but he has roughly $2,400 in $5 and $25 chips (red and green) in front of him. So much for the $300 max buy-in. So much for buying in for half the largest stack.

In the moment, I wonder if its even worth sitting down at the table. But these are the Bealer Boys, and it doesn't look and feel right to stand up and walk away. I may not have much of a poker image, but it is important to maintain what little image I do have as a poker player.

There is this extra natty little thing called the "Straddle", which at this table is done on the button by all players, except me. The Straddle is a Preflop raise on the button, effectively raising the first bet from $3 to $6, starting with the small blind.

To make matters worse, the smallest stack among the Bealer Boys is a little over $1,200. Preflop betting is generally $20 to $35, or roughly a little less than ten percent of my buy-in. This makes the price of poker pretty steep for me, just to see a flop.

One would expect with high $ Preflop betting, there would only be a few players in the pot. No, not when playing with the Bealer Boys. The game is loose. Except for me, everyone is loaded up and hunting for bear. Preflop pots were running $100 and over. Flop and turn bets are moderate considering, as the table is so loose.

Three rounds in and I have only paid my blinds, throwing away junk and playable hands (in a normal game) alike. I am wondering about the sanity of my judgment to sit at this table. This is a $1 - $3 table converted into $6 - $12 by the Bealer Boys, with their excessively large stacks. Any hand I may enter, any one of them could put me all in preflop, just for laughs.

After about ninety minutes of throwing away hands and watching pots dragged in by pitiful holdings, I finally get a hand. I have Q,Q in late position. When the play gets to me, it's $35 to see the flop; with three players in the pot before me, I call the $35.

Flop is Ks, 8d, 3h. Good flop for me. First player checks, second to act, Billy Bealer puts out $105. A strange bet I think. I've played with Billy Bealer before and he is generally a straight forward player with little bluffing in his bag of tricks. After contemplating a few seconds, I put Billy Bealer on K,K or better, which makes my Q,Q look smaller than it did a few seconds before the flop. I fold, last to act folds.

I'm down about 25% of my buy-in, or just a little over $100 now. I can see the end in sight and it's not pretty. I will be all in on my next hand, if there is a next hand on the way.

Enjoyment is turning into agony. I lament all the hands I would have played, if it was a normal $1 - $3 game and not a high stakes franken-game. I am in small blind and miracle of miracles, there was not a button straddle. I am second to last to act. By some freak of nature, it is only $20 to see the flop.

I have two red aces. It's decision time. I think if I raise preflop, it will be reraised, and I will be all in on the flop. If I call the $20 and the Big Blind doesn't raise, I am first to act on the flop. 

I call the $20 and Big Blind does not raise. Flop comes down 4, 4, 8, rainbow (all different suits). This is a pretty useless flop for anyone not holding a 4. I think for a few seconds and make a large almost pot size bet. Billy Bealer should be proud.

As it's one of a handful of hands I have bet with in two hours and one of the few I played beyond the flop, the Bealer Boys all fold to me. I play a few more hands and retired for the night.

In retrospect - which is more rational than 'in the moment', I never should have sat down in that game, when all I was willing to buy-in for was maybe less than 1/3 the smallest stack, and perhaps a large bet for the largest two stacks.

On a side note, John Bealer went up $2,400 in those few hours. It all came from three players with more cash and less common sense than I have. Billy Bealer went up about $700, and went back down. As for me, I made a two dollar profit. I think that was a 'gimme' by the Bealer Boys. Next Hand...

Poker, Craps, and Poker Stories For After Dark

Here are three Poker/Gambling stories I’ve either witnessed or heard about over the years. The last story is unsettling, and it makes me wonder if what Big Bob said to The Kid was true or not. It goes with out saying, no matter how many years you live, you have not seen or heard it all.

This first story happened years ago as I was sitting in a poker game at O’Sheas (now permanently closed) Casino in Las Vegas. What happened has probably been attempted in many Poker Rooms and Casino Table Games, but I am sure, it is very, very rare.

Poker has a term, ‘Angle Shooting’, which refers to players who are not quite outright cheating, but are as close to the cheating line as they can get. This player, Player X, took angle shooting to a whole new level, outright theft.

O’Sheas had one low limit ($1 - $3) Texas Hold em Poker Table setup that was open to the sidewalk. A few players at the table actually sat with their chairs on the sidewalk. This was most likely to attract Customers who were curious about poker, but never played poker. They could watch from the sidewalk. Player X sits down in an open chair with his back to the sidewalk.

Player X is playing conservatively (tight), folding every hand for a couple rounds. Now, on the flop, there is a raise and a re-raise in front of him. Player X calls, The original bettor goes all in on the turn, the next player calls the all in, and Player X goes all in.

The pot has over eight hundred dollars in $100.00 bills and cash. The dealer turns the river card. After the first two players show their hands, Player X stands up, grabs all the $100 bills in the pot, some of the chips too, turns, and runs down the street, getting away. Of course O’Sheas has his picture which I understand is shared with all other Casino’s on the strip. Player X’s short poker career in Las Vegas was officially over. I wonder if he lived another year?

I was playing Craps one evening, when a stumbling drunk Woman barely makes her way to the Craps table. She asks the dealer, “How do you play this game?”, inadvertently dropping a black ($100.00) chip onto the field. As the dealer is explaining the basics of Craps, the shooter rolls a twelve and the Drunk Woman wins $300.00 from the $100.00 bet she didn’t know she made. She now has $400.00 sitting in the field.

She tells the dealer she does not understand any of what he is saying. The next roll is thrown, a nine. The very drunk Woman wins again! The Woman is  oblivious to what is going on. The dealer tells her to pick up her chips from the field - $800.00 in black chips.

She says she does not understand anything, but picks up the chips the dealer is pointing to. She stumbles off presumably to the elevator, heading to her room. I wonder if she knew where the extra black chips came from the next morning?

This final story is so bizarre, I would not believe it if I had not heard it from three different Poker Players who were in the poker room at the time it happened. I have known them for decades, and never heard them tell a lie. I knew one of the players in the hand. I heard it happened, but not the details until recently.

This is a local No Limit Texas Hold em game. The two players remaining in the hand on the Turn each had over ten thousand dollars on the table in front of them before this hand was dealt. Pre Flop and Flop bets are large. The Turn brings a possible Straight Flush with three spades in sequence on the board. 9s, Ts, X, Js. X is a non spade card of no real help to either player.

The two players in the hand on the Turn are: Big Bob, a long time big money player. The second player, an upstart who thinks he is God’s gift to the Poker World; though a tough player in his own right. Let’s call him, The Kid. The Kid is first to act, and goes all in for his Turn play, pushing his remaining chips out in front of him. There is now well over fourteen thousand dollars in the pot.

It is Big Bob’s turn to act. Big Bob contemplates what he will do - call or fold. Big Bob asks The Kid, “Do you want me to call?”

The Kid says, “Hell yes, I want you to call”. Big Bob looks at the The Kid and says, “You know I sold my Soul to the Devil, don’t you? I’m going to win this hand!”

The Kid looks shocked, then scared, but tells Big Bob he wants him to call his all in. Big Bob declares he is all in.

There is a dramatic pause and the Dealer flips the Ks as the River card. The board is 9s, 10s, X, Js, Ks. The unnamed  card, X, is not a spade and no obvious help to either Player.

The Kid, turns over 8s, 7s, for 7s, 8s, 9s, Ts, Js, a beautiful Straight Flush! Big Bob smiles, and turns over the Qs for a Larger Straight Flush, 9s, Ts, Js, Qs, Ks, winning the pot! In the moment, I think I would have ran out of the Poker Room, never to return. For Big Bob, it was just another day at, ‘The Office’.